For the past couple of days I’ve been struggling to write this post. Not because I have nothing to say but because I have too much to say. So many things have been going through my mind after my amazing first date with a pretty amazing guy. I’m not one to be surprised too much by people, I believe given the right situation anyone is capable of anything, even if you say “I’d never do that”. I was surprised this weekend by the quality of the character of HD. He reminded me of something I had forgotten, a lesson I’d learned years ago but let slip away during my years of grief and turmoil.
My kids were watching the movie, The Help, it was playing in the background as I was trying to write. That story cuts me to the center of my being, how we as a society used to live and in some ways still do. When I met Zed, my late husband, I was immediately attracted to him, only problem he was everything I wasn’t suppose to want. Zed was a very beautiful dark-skinned black man who referred to himself as Burnt Sienna from the Crayola box. This was against everything I had been taught while growing up as being acceptable. Even in 1999, it was tough to share with family and friends, we had many bumps in the road during our relationship. It was made even more complicated because I had three gorgeous but very white children from my first marriage.
The lesson I learned was if you let go of what society thinks is normal the most amazing things can happen. I turned my back on other people’s ideas of who the right person was for me and had a wonderful love affair with a man who surprised everyone by loving us completely. He raised three children that weren’t his own and made extraordinary sacrifices for us. My point is if I hadn’t given him a chance I wouldn’t have had the happiness I did. So much more to say about this but that will be later.
I love the unexpected journey life takes you on sometimes. I’ve tried to be open to new people and accept them as they are. I went into this weekend’s date thinking this isn’t my typical type of guy but maybe it will be fun and I’ll have a new experience. From the outside world looking in you’d see HD as a biker, working class guy and maybe make some judgements on who he is by the clothes he wears or his mode of transportation. It would be so sad to do that because you’d be missing out on a really incredible man with a sweet soul.
I love first dates to be relaxed and easy. I mean you’re already nervous who wants the pressure of having to be boxed into some sort of fairytale setting. That’s why the burger date works. The place the guy chooses says a lot about who he is and what he likes but if he takes you to McDonald’s you’re screwed! I have a list of places that I love for a great burger. Poe’s Tavern is at the top and consistent. BEST burger by far is 17 North, most people wouldn’t think of 17N as a burger joint but wow! When you’re eating food with your hands it naturally drops your defenses and makes you more relaxed. I prefer this more for the guys than for myself, if they can be more themselves they will be more open and talk. Besides If a guy can handle watching me eat a huge rare burger with grease running down my hand, shoving french fries in my mouth and still want a second date… That’s awesome.
I arrived at HD’s house on Friday night, yes I had to go to meet him, he didn’t pick me up. But in his defense I had to go there to be sure he had the right helmet that fit me. After contemplating the slight drizzle of rain and if we were gonna attempt to ride (I got bonus points for saying who cares if we get wet, let’s go for it). He fitted me with a wind breaker and a very attractive helmet. It had a sticker on it that said “good kid gone bad” his joke of course was “were you ever good?” Nope!
There is an instant intimacy that happens when you climb on the back of a mans motorcycle. Your bodies are touching, you’re holding on and leaning in to talk. Then add in the power of the motorcycle wow very sexy. Definitely have a new appreciation for Harleys and totally get why people love them. Things I look for on a first date are pretty typical; does he open my door, etc. Tonight was different there were no car doors but he had already shown such thoughtfulness in preparation I knew he would have. Then as we were riding he did the most intimate and caring thing. Every time we’d come to a bump in the road he’d reach back put his arm around my leg to be sure I was secure. Better than opening the door.
He chose one of my favorite places to grab a burger or sandwich, The Tattooed Moose. He got major points for picking a place on my mental list. It was packed and loud as it usually is; We grabbed a beer at the bar and then snagged a booth. We sat on the same side, bonus, meant he wanted to be close and hear every word. It was like there wasn’t anyone else there, we talked the whole time. I’m sure I even talked with my mouth full. He didn’t seem to care.
We ventured back to our side of town and stopped at a local bar and had a couple of drinks and talked more feeling the intimacy building. As women we know when a man is ready to go in for that first kiss, the pauses in conversation with your eyes locked. He restrained himself and so did I. It was like a whole night of very slow foreplay.
We ended the evening where it began, back at his house. He invited me in for a drink, of course I said yes. It took all of 4 minutes for him to kiss me. It was one of those press you against the fridge full body kisses that you feel in your knees. I gathered my senses really quickly and said I better leave. He agreed but not without a few more kisses that were all incredible. This is the most important thing, he never crossed the line and he didn’t even try. Even better he made plans to see me again before I left. That’s how you know a man is first of all a gentleman, secondly that he’s really into you.
I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at someone new with unclouded eyes. Couldn’t have been a better date and our second was the next day! More later