Feeling Lucky?

I love my lucky jeans. Not the kind of lucky that has rainbows shooting out of my ass but my Lucky Brand Jeans. They really make my butt look great. The best part of wearing a pair of Lucky Jeans is that when you’re in that moment, laying on your back and a man is unzipping your jeans to pull them off; when he opens the fly there is a little tag sown into the zipper that says “Lucky You”. Perfect right? I mean if a man gets to that point, trust me he’s pretty damn lucky. I think I should start a jean company called Caution but it should say “Enter with caution, may cause complete insanity.”

But that’s not the point of this story. It’s about my trip to New York City for my 40th birthday a couple of years back and the night I wore my Lucky Jeans to Lucky Chengs. I’ve come to appreciate experiencing new things in my life. What’s the point if you’re not willing to live outside the box and push yourself to see the world as an opportunity to live a few moments in someone else’s life; to walk in their shoes, to get to know their story. It can be hysterically funny, sad, touching and at times very bizarre. What is bizarre? Is it going to work every day doing the same thing: driving your kids to soccer practice, cooking the same seven meals every week, going to bed just after the 11 o’clock news? That is bizarre to a lot of people. So at 41 I’ve decided I’m no longer living in my bubble, I’m living my life in reverse and I’m gonna see what the world has to offer. I believe there are certain things everyone should experience at least once like; rodeos, tractor pulls, mud wrestling, roller derbies and of course Asian drag queen shows.

In April of 2010 I met a couple of my girlfriends in NYC. We all flew in separately since we live all over the country. We spent a four day weekend in the city just being silly, shopping, eating street food, a Broadway play and of course cocktails, lots and lots of cocktails. It was a really interesting trip, it seemed as if we couldn’t find a straight man anywhere in the city, or women for that matter. But we didn’t care we went with the flow and had a blast with everyone we met.

On our last night in the city, we went out to celebrate my birthday. If you’re not familiar with Lucky Chengs, it’s a famous all Asian Drag Show club in the city. Lucky Chengs is definitely a destination not to be missed. We chose to go on probably the worst night, a Sunday but it did not stop us from having a blast.

The oddest thing about this particular evening was that a birthday party going on, no biggie right. Wrong, it was for a bunch of 13-year-old girls! Huh? Who takes their 13 year olds to see an Asian Drag Queen Show, lap dances were not optional? Jersey Shores new cast members I guess. Any who. We sat at the bar for a bit and met a man that we dubbed Dragon Slayer, he looked just like Coach from Survivor. He obviously hung out at this club a lot, he knew all the… “girls”. Of course my girlfriends, with a little help from Slayer, picked out a very attractive…”girl” for me to get a lap dance from… she was kinda cute. Now I’ve had lap dances before (another post) but what I didn’t realize was that this lap dance involved me being on stage for the show. Yes, that’s right PART of the show. This brought a whole new meaning to getting the audience involved!

This is where my attire for the evening came into play. I was wearing my Lucky jeans, a black tank top and a couple of LONG necklaces. Big mistake! Huge! As I’m being pulled to the stage I realize this is gonna be crazy.

As the music starts and “she” starts dancing around me all I could think was wow what an amazing “roll & tuck” job cause I can’t tell! This is where it got really interesting as my lovely “lady” was grinding “her lady parts” on my chest something bizarre happened, her fish nets were caught on my long necklace. So every time she pulled away I had to go with her, my face being continually pulled to her crotch. As I struggled to take my necklace off, laughing hysterically, she didn’t miss a beat, she just kept going until I was free but my necklace remained dangling between her legs. Did she stop? Nope! She kept going, right into picking me up by my waist doing a full body spin flipping me upside down into a handstand with my head in her lap. I didn’t even know I could do that? She was strong! Before I knew it, it was over and I was taking a bow and trying to get my necklace from between her legs.

An experience I will never forget. I will always laugh out loud when I think about that particular lap dance to celebrate my birthday, my lucky night. Time with my friends, my sisters… laughing being silly and experiencing something new. The thing I learned? Drag Queens are just people too they were all sweet and kind and had an interesting story. In addition, long necklaces and fishnets are not a good combination.

Maybe Lucky Brand Jeans should change their tag to “Lucky Me.” Life is fun if you’re willing to let go a little.







Where There Is Smoke There Is Fire

I find it completely ironic that this experiment began because my friends and I decided (all of them living vicariously through me) that I needed to really start dating.  I agreed that I would let my girlfriends write my online dating profile, since they know me best.  I would then write about my experiences going out etc…  However, as we have all experienced the best laid plans can get unexpectedly derailed.  Sometimes it’s a train wreck and sometimes it’s a surprise destination.

Lucky for me and hopefully lucky for HD he acted before we did and he turned into the first post.  As it turns out my first date with HD has turned into three, four, five… I’m not sure anymore.  All of our time together has been just as sweet, just as intimate, and just as hot as the first. Wouldn’t you know?

This of course has halted my online dating profile plans.  I’m one who likes to see where something leads before continuing to date another.  Besides, he’s totally hot with a rocking body (I mean not that I would know or anything). I know there are people out there that are serial first daters or date several people at once but that’s not me.  I’m going to enjoy the ride and see where it takes me. I’ll let you come along for most of it but gotta keep some of it private (YES!  I just said that).  Let’s just say I think my rabbit is going to get lonely.

HD and I had a quick date on Sunday evening, a nice dinner, and some great conversation.  He picked me up on the motorcycle and we headed to a great spot close to my home, 17 North.  It was chilly but we opted to sit at the outside bar and have dinner completely alone, no one else would be crazy enough to sit outside in the cold.  They have heaters around the bar and the fire pit was directly behind us, it was actually really nice and gave us an excuse to keep touching.

We had that conversation.  You know the one where you divulge your past relationship mistakes, failures and heartbreaks.  I’m always a little leery to share my story, I have a history, a past that I can’t escape, but what I can say?  All of my experiences have made me who I am today.  The experiences that I’ve had or the situations I’ve put myself in will keep me from being there again.  It was nice that he has a history and a past too; some that he’s not proud of, just like me.  We talked about our beliefs in love, marriage, religion and kids, pretty intense for early in a dating experience but we are both older and why allow yourself to become involved with someone you don’t share common views.

I didn’t feel any judgment from him, which is one of the first things I look for, drives me crazy.  I don’t tolerate people who judge my past, or my friends, or anyone especially when they’ve never walked in their shoes.  I guess I’ve just learned that everyone has a story that makes them unique and you can learn something from anyone if you try.  It may be completely useless information but it’s something.

After our dinner, we moved to the benches near the fire, we got close and continued our conversation.  As all my friends will tell you, I look for things I don’t like in men, any excuse.  He’s too tall, too short, kids are too young, blah blah blah.  I just can’t find anything.  I can’t complain, well except for that pesky no helmet thing.  His choice, who am I to judge?

There are few things better than having a guy drop you off at home knowing that neither of you wants it to end; standing in the driveway kissing, starting to walk away, and going back because you just have to have one more kiss. I couldn’t help myself I said, “You’re a great surprise.”  His response “Thanks for giving me a chance.”  There is definitely smoke, just need to fan the flames.  The night ended with a text from him that said, “Wanted to make out more though.”



Roses Are Red and Violet is Blue.

Violet, the most intense color formed on the light spectrum is also one of the most beautiful colors our eyes can see. The color violet forms from the short intense light waves that bounce off objects and produce the vibrant beautiful color. That’s how I’d describe my friend Violet, intense, loving, electric, and beautiful.

I believe our friends are a reflection of our inner desires, each person that we hold close in our lives possesses qualities that we covet and learn to absorb. I have many friends and each one of them is important to me but there is always that core of a few friends that combined make one perfect entity.

I’ve been asked to describe my core group of friends in a way that can produce a visual of them so you can connect to them as well. I can’t give a full description of them physically because then the anonymity is lost, but I will combine all of our best features into one perfect person because that’s what we really are to each other. The combination of our best physical features and the best parts of our personalities bring us together as a whole.

Violet and I have been friends for years, ever since our children were young and in elementary school. I met her not long after I’d moved to the Lowcountry in 2002. Truth is when I first met her I didn’t care for her, I found her to be unbending, a little short, and her ability to charm was completely lost on me. She’s a woman who says what she means and means what she says. If it wasn’t what she wanted to do or believed in, tough shit. Certainly not the Southern way of “well let’s make it work”; it’s a quality that I’ve come to absolutely love. She has a fierce passion for her family and friends and would do anything for them. I thought of her as a Mt. Pleasant mom that only did the right thing all the time: a soccer mom, troop leader and room mom, not really qualities that I posses. However, she has definitely taken care of me over the last couple of years. Listened to me cry and supported me even if she didn’t agree but she always told me what she thought. I would have been lost without her. I love how beautiful she is with her straight thick blonde hair and strong angled features.

The first time I knew we’d be forever friends is so typical of our friendship now it makes me laugh. Out one evening with a group of friends all of whom are still in my life today. We walked into Richards, anyone that knows Richards knows that you never know what you’re going to get when you walk through those doors. Any time you go to Richards it’s always the last stop of the night. When I walked in and saw this woman, that I had a completely different opinion of, playing pool with a couple of older men in overalls and trucker hats I knew I had met my match. She looked at me as if she’d been busted and I looked at her as if; I’ve so busted your ass. We’ve been secretly keeping our time at Richards between us ever since.

Recently, Violet has been going through her own personal struggles and has needed me to be there for her, to hold her hand, listen to her cry and supporting her the only way I know how, to give her the room to go through her struggles and know that no matter what she chooses I’ll still be there. It made me realize what a terrible friend I’ve been for the last couple of years. I was so lost in my own grief and poor decision-making, constantly drawing from my friends for support when they really needed me too. Grief and depression not only take a toll on the individual but on those in connection with us as well.

It’s so wonderful to be able to feel the light beginning to reflect through me again. I know that there will still be moments of sadness and darkness, a new color of light is what I’m reflecting for myself today.



Don’t Boil The Rabbit

WARNING: This post contains content that may require a tissue and maybe even a diaper. Vulgar language follows.

I have a handful of movies that I love, several of them happen to be Quintin Tarantino films. I love his quirky, dark humor. Reservoir Dogs is one of my all time favorite movies. To show my love for Mr. Brown, I have opted to give all of my girlfriends code names for the purposes of protecting the not so innocent.

I have four women in my life that are the foundation of my sanity. Well as sane as someone like me can be. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for any of them, except pick them up when they fall off a bar stool. I’m just gonna point, laugh and take a picture. This story really revolves around myself and three of the four girls but I can’t start any stories about girlfriends without first introducing Ms. Blush.

Ms. Blush is the single most important person in my life, she has held me up when I couldn’t stand, spoken for me when I lost my inner voice, given me strength when I was too weak to go on, made me laugh so hard I’ve peed and kicked my ass when I was being ridiculous. She is not my blood but my soul. At the end of my life when I look in the mirror and can’t recognize myself anymore, I will look at her and see everything I am. She is the greatest love of my life. We’d be lesbians but neither one of us like pussy. Ms. Blush, I love you and look forward to the day that we can laugh in person and not on the phone. Although this story doesn’t include you I know you love rabbits too.

Rabbits are magical little creatures, no wonder they get pulled out of hats and have carrot envy. Every women should have one that they can call all their own. They offer comfort when you’re alone and can bring extreme pleasure when nothing else seems to help. Ms. Pearl however has never loved a rabbit before and it has been our little group’s mission recently to help her understand the importance of loving such a magical creature. Ms. Ruby my smokin hot, new friend and Ms. Violet my old friend who brings me peace and love are all desperate to share the amazing benefits of holding a rabbit near and dear.

Ms. Pearl an angelic women who blushes at most of the things I say and do, like the f-bombs that I drop on a constant basis and completely vulgar conversations that I seem to have quite loudly whenever we are in public. (Which is often since Ms. Pearl is a runaway in-patient at Betty Ford…shhh don’t tell). Seriously though she has been a dear friend also there in my time of need for the past few years. I’ve called her in the middle of the night crying and she has come running. Who wouldn’t want to bring joy to someone like that.

For our girls Christmas exchange Ms. Violet and I went shopping for rabbits. We found a great shop that had a huge selection. After looking at some really large ones we decided an itty bitty bunny might be best for Ms. Pearl, I mean if you’ve never taken care of one before you should start small. What a coincidence that we found four really cute bunnies all exactly the same but in different colors. Perfect! we’ll take the set.

Ms. Pearl was very grateful to receive such a thoughtful gift, so was Ms. Ruby. Ms. Ruby was so excited she took hers out with us that night and showed our favorite hot bartender just how fast it could jump. He was very impressed and had a little carrot envy himself.

A few days later Ms. Pearl sent me a desperate message. My bunny has run out of food! Ms. Pearl REALLY loves her new companion. This particular bunny required a special kind of food and was difficult to find. After a couple of failed attempts she finally found the right food and bunny was snuggled up again giving her joy. We all realized that maybe Ms. Pearl needed another rabbit to keep her bunny company that required less maintenance. Thank goodness that her birthday was right around the corner. She now has another rabbit to hug and squeeze and call her own that requires less care and as an added bonus can go swimming with her too.

When owning a bunny or rabbit there are some care and maintenance requirements. Always give them a bath after you’ve played with them but more importantly be sure to put them in a safe place where no one else can find them or play with them. They are all your own and should only be giving you the attention you deserve.

I have been known to be a little careless with this so here is your WARNING. If you have housekeeper be sure that your rabbit has been put away otherwise she will very lovingly and neatly put him on your nightstand. When arriving home to find my rabbit perched so openly, I immediately panicked. What if she played with my rabbit? Do I need to boil him? Upon further thought I realized, hey, she’s the housekeeper, I’m sure if she enjoyed his company she cleaned him VERY well… Yup it happened. An even worse moment of rabbit discovery, when you have a house full of guests and are trying to disperse your teenage kids from the adult crowd by sending them to your room to watch TV; be sure that your baby bunny is safe and secure and not hiding in your bed. When your eighteen year old son walks back in the room full of people looking like he’s seen the white rabbit and says “Uhhh… yeah Mom I’m not going to watch TV in your bed”. Lets just say we both curled up on the floor laughing. There are no boundaries left in that mother son relationship…yup it happened.

Be safe and happy petting. Love yourself…love a rabbit.




Good Vibrations

For the past couple of days I’ve been struggling to write this post. Not because I have nothing to say but because I have too much to say. So many things have been going through my mind after my amazing first date with a pretty amazing guy. I’m not one to be surprised too much by people, I believe given the right situation anyone is capable of anything, even if you say “I’d never do that”. I was surprised this weekend by the quality of the character of HD. He reminded me of something I had forgotten, a lesson I’d learned years ago but let slip away during my years of grief and turmoil.

My kids were watching the movie, The Help, it was playing in the background as I was trying to write. That story cuts me to the center of my being, how we as a society used to live and in some ways still do. When I met Zed, my late husband, I was immediately attracted to him, only problem he was everything I wasn’t suppose to want. Zed was a very beautiful dark-skinned black man who referred to himself as Burnt Sienna from the Crayola box. This was against everything I had been taught while growing up as being acceptable. Even in 1999, it was tough to share with family and friends, we had many bumps in the road during our relationship. It was made even more complicated because I had three gorgeous but very white children from my first marriage.

The lesson I learned was if you let go of what society thinks is normal the most amazing things can happen. I turned my back on other people’s ideas of who the right person was for me and had a wonderful love affair with a man who surprised everyone by loving us completely. He raised three children that weren’t his own and made extraordinary sacrifices for us. My point is if I hadn’t given him a chance I wouldn’t have had the happiness I did. So much more to say about this but that will be later.

I love the unexpected journey life takes you on sometimes. I’ve tried to be open to new people and accept them as they are. I went into this weekend’s date thinking this isn’t my typical type of guy but maybe it will be fun and I’ll have a new experience. From the outside world looking in you’d see HD as a biker, working class guy and maybe make some judgements on who he is by the clothes he wears or his mode of transportation. It would be so sad to do that because you’d be missing out on a really incredible man with a sweet soul.

I love first dates to be relaxed and easy. I mean you’re already nervous who wants the pressure of having to be boxed into some sort of fairytale setting. That’s why the burger date works. The place the guy chooses says a lot about who he is and what he likes but if he takes you to McDonald’s you’re screwed! I have a list of places that I love for a great burger. Poe’s Tavern is at the top and consistent. BEST burger by far is 17 North, most people wouldn’t think of 17N as a burger joint but wow! When you’re eating food with your hands it naturally drops your defenses and makes you more relaxed. I prefer this more for the guys than for myself, if they can be more themselves they will be more open and talk. Besides If a guy can handle watching me eat a huge rare burger with grease running down my hand, shoving french fries in my mouth and still want a second date… That’s awesome.

I arrived at HD’s house on Friday night, yes I had to go to meet him, he didn’t pick me up. But in his defense I had to go there to be sure he had the right helmet that fit me. After contemplating the slight drizzle of rain and if we were gonna attempt to ride (I got bonus points for saying who cares if we get wet, let’s go for it). He fitted me with a wind breaker and a very attractive helmet. It had a sticker on it that said “good kid gone bad” his joke of course was “were you ever good?” Nope!

There is an instant intimacy that happens when you climb on the back of a mans motorcycle. Your bodies are touching, you’re holding on and leaning in to talk. Then add in the power of the motorcycle wow very sexy. Definitely have a new appreciation for Harleys and totally get why people love them. Things I look for on a first date are pretty typical; does he open my door, etc. Tonight was different there were no car doors but he had already shown such thoughtfulness in preparation I knew he would have. Then as we were riding he did the most intimate and caring thing. Every time we’d come to a bump in the road he’d reach back put his arm around my leg to be sure I was secure. Better than opening the door.

He chose one of my favorite places to grab a burger or sandwich, The Tattooed Moose. He got major points for picking a place on my mental list. It was packed and loud as it usually is; We grabbed a beer at the bar and then snagged a booth. We sat on the same side, bonus, meant he wanted to be close and hear every word. It was like there wasn’t anyone else there, we talked the whole time. I’m sure I even talked with my mouth full. He didn’t seem to care.

We ventured back to our side of town and stopped at a local bar and had a couple of drinks and talked more feeling the intimacy building. As women we know when a man is ready to go in for that first kiss, the pauses in conversation with your eyes locked. He restrained himself and so did I. It was like a whole night of very slow foreplay.

We ended the evening where it began, back at his house. He invited me in for a drink, of course I said yes. It took all of 4 minutes for him to kiss me. It was one of those press you against the fridge full body kisses that you feel in your knees. I gathered my senses really quickly and said I better leave. He agreed but not without a few more kisses that were all incredible. This is the most important thing, he never crossed the line and he didn’t even try. Even better he made plans to see me again before I left. That’s how you know a man is first of all a gentleman, secondly that he’s really into you.

I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at someone new with unclouded eyes. Couldn’t have been a better date and our second was the next day! More later


The Shocker

We’ve all experienced the shocker, well no…yes…no…damn’t! not that shocker, that’s another post. I mean the shocker when someone surprises you with something they do or say that totally catches you off guard.

It recently happened to me by a guy I’ve met a couple of times, lets just call him HD. Most men ask women out the same way, “Hey, maybe we could go out for dinner sometime?” or “Maybe we can hang out sometime?” (this applies to the under 35 crowd), pretty standard. But not HD, he was out with friends, as was I; we had talked a few times before. He came over and started asking questions about me and what I liked to do, what my hobbies are etc. Then the shock, “Well I’d like to take you out for a few hours and do whatever you want to do, whatever you’d enjoy doing if you had a free day to yourself”. My response “Uhhhhhh yeah and dude you are so totally getting laid”. Ok so that’s not what I said but it’s what I was thinking. I mean this guy nailed it! He was a real man asking a women that he wanted to spend time with out on a real date. I’m looking forward to seeing how he’s gonna shock me on our date.

By the way, he caught me so off guard I wasn’t sure what I wanted. But this is what I asked for, pick me up on your motorcycle, take me to your favorite riding spot, followed by your favorite burger joint with a beer. This may all sound like what a guy might want to do but wait for the story to unfold. I’ll share with you my first date burger theory in a future post.

I’ll be getting my ride on later…on the motorcycle. I’m a good girl.



Finding My Little g Spot

I love football. It has become a big part of my life over the past thirteen years. I remember as a child on Sundays when the game was on, it meant that you couldn’t watch anything else because Dad would be sleeping on the sofa. But thirteen years ago it began to change, my future husband, Zed, was obsessed with all things football but especially the Steelers, recording games all on VHS tape, making bets and trying to watch as many games as possible. It became part of me too.

In football everything hinges on ten yards, just ten small yards can change the course of a game. Gives you another chance to achieve your goal or can send your team to defeat and turn your once promising season into the end. Ten yards changed my life too. Do you know how far ten yards is? It’s thirty feet, thirty feet took my husband’s life on August 2nd, 2009 and changed my life forever. I became a widow at 39.

Welcome to my Little g Spot. I’m glad you decided to read a little, even if it’s only once but I hope you choose to follow along on my crazy ride. I’ve been threatening for a long time to start a blog about my funny experiences dating as a widowed mother of three teenagers. Only problem, it isn’t always funny, the emotions and difficulties that come with transitioning from having the life I once knew to the one I have now has been gut wrenching. I wish that I was one of those people who did it well with grace and class but I’m not.

So here is what you’ll get, I promise at times it will be wildly funny, I always have a story. There will be cursing, sex, alcohol and bad behavior but there will also be moments of sadness and tears. You may feel empathy or maybe even pity for me. But at the end of the day I just hope to find myself. Best case scenario I hope that in someway and at some point the look into my very small world gives someone else a smile or helps them through a dark spot in their own life. Or at the least be glad you’re not me.

The topics will mostly revolve around my friends and dating but will also include my kids, weight, depression and financial difficulties and triumphs. So a little randomness to get me through the day. narcissistic? Yup, blame Oprah. She made us all look at ourselves and share it with the world…blah blah blah. I just want true happiness and peace for the life I have now, don’t have it yet but I’m still searching.