Choking On My Words…

When I first set up my Match.com profile I only purchased a four-month membership. Not long after that first bizarre date, the one where he was planning what we’d be doing in six months and the string of even more bizarre emails, winks etc. I hid my profile from public view, I just didn’t feel like it was a good option for me. Even though my profile was hidden from public view I still continued to get daily emails from Match “Here are your new daily matches” I never logged on to look, I just didn’t care. I was waiting for my four months to be up…

On one of my nights out with the girls, my favorite hot bartender, who always asks what’s going on, convinced me to try it again. He said “it’s fun, just relax and enjoy it for what it is” Alright, alright, I logged on just under two weeks ago, updated my profile a little, added a new pic, etc. I really wasn’t interested in dating someone continuously. I’m content with the idea of being alone. I thought, I’ll just be a serial first dater for a while and meet some new people and have a little fun with absolutely no attachment.

I looked at a few profiles but didn’t really see anything that struck me, except…..this one guy. I looked at his pictures first, come on, that is the first thing you do! Hmmmm, very handsome, dark hair, dark eyes, huge smile that made his eyes light up and holding the cutest little girl in his arms. I read his profile and was instantly struck. Some profiles are so terribly written but his was witty, funny, sarcastic, yet sincere and thoughtful. I knew immediately he would contact me, he emailed the next day.

I received a very short, sweet email, basically opening the door for me to email back if I was interested. Of course I did! He made a couple of funny remarks in his profile about what he liked on his hot dog, ate at the movies, and touched on his love of a good thrill ride. My first sentence was mustard, milk duds and the inventor and patent date of the roller coaster. Can you hear the reel spinning?

There was an immediate banter back and forth through email with a few “details” about our history as well. It didn’t take long and he asked for my phone number and could he call me. I emailed him my number and I got a text that afternoon…I gave him bonus points for the surprise contact in the middle of a work day. His response “triple word score, 96 points”. The banter has continued ever since. We’ve gone on three dates in a week…

Of course our first date was a burger date! When I stepped out of the car and saw him, there was an immediate attraction. It was a night of great food, great company and the conversation flowed easily. It was a little ADD and all over the place, jumping from one topic to the next, and back again. After dinner we went downtown and had a drink at Squeeze, talked and laughed a little more, sitting close and touching gently. He held my hand as we walked, it felt so natural it caught me a little off guard. He took me back to my car and I headed home without a first kiss. We both wanted to but didn’t…I mean we had just met!

I think we both immediately regretted not taking the opportunity to have our first kiss. After that first date we communicated often and the draw toward the other was mutual. A few days went by and he finally text me, “that’s it, I’m seeing you today I can’t wait any longer to kiss you”. It was a very quick meet up after work, as he had to go pick up his daughter. We both got out of the car and immediately kissed, I don’t think we even said hello and I’m pretty sure during our short visit, we didn’t take our hands off each other once.

He also lost his spouse a few years back to breast cancer and is raising his daughter alone. He has been through a lot since she passed as well. Yet he has kept a positive outlook in the worst of situations and believes that happiness is possible again. I can tell we share a lot of similar outlooks and beliefs without even having a discussion, I can sense it by how he carries himself and his actions.

The comfort that comes from spending time with someone who knows that there are days where you want nothing more than the life you once knew back, is overwhelming. Someone that knows they can never understand the complexities of your own personal path through grief. Someone who knows, no matter what happens in the future you’ll always love your spouse and always wish things happened differently. It’s the strangest kind of feeling to still be in love with a person who’s gone, yet move on to have a different kind of relationship with someone else. I don’t believe most people can understand it, comprehend that somehow your heart splits in two but stays intact.

I’m cautiously optimistic and looking forward to getting to know him better. I’m well aware that you really never know someone or what they are capable of, we shall see what happens at the three week douche bag mark. Although I don’t think he’s gonna be a DB. No matter what comes of our time together, I already know I’m better for meeting him. So kudos to Match.com… I guess you can meet some nice people. Sorry for the bad review before.

I almost forgot…for the first time I can’t give someone a code name, I don’t want to. So for now he just is……..

Ohhhh one more thing, he’s a great kisser too.

Love,

g

Good Vibrations

For the past couple of days I’ve been struggling to write this post. Not because I have nothing to say but because I have too much to say. So many things have been going through my mind after my amazing first date with a pretty amazing guy. I’m not one to be surprised too much by people, I believe given the right situation anyone is capable of anything, even if you say “I’d never do that”. I was surprised this weekend by the quality of the character of HD. He reminded me of something I had forgotten, a lesson I’d learned years ago but let slip away during my years of grief and turmoil.

My kids were watching the movie, The Help, it was playing in the background as I was trying to write. That story cuts me to the center of my being, how we as a society used to live and in some ways still do. When I met Zed, my late husband, I was immediately attracted to him, only problem he was everything I wasn’t suppose to want. Zed was a very beautiful dark-skinned black man who referred to himself as Burnt Sienna from the Crayola box. This was against everything I had been taught while growing up as being acceptable. Even in 1999, it was tough to share with family and friends, we had many bumps in the road during our relationship. It was made even more complicated because I had three gorgeous but very white children from my first marriage.

The lesson I learned was if you let go of what society thinks is normal the most amazing things can happen. I turned my back on other people’s ideas of who the right person was for me and had a wonderful love affair with a man who surprised everyone by loving us completely. He raised three children that weren’t his own and made extraordinary sacrifices for us. My point is if I hadn’t given him a chance I wouldn’t have had the happiness I did. So much more to say about this but that will be later.

I love the unexpected journey life takes you on sometimes. I’ve tried to be open to new people and accept them as they are. I went into this weekend’s date thinking this isn’t my typical type of guy but maybe it will be fun and I’ll have a new experience. From the outside world looking in you’d see HD as a biker, working class guy and maybe make some judgements on who he is by the clothes he wears or his mode of transportation. It would be so sad to do that because you’d be missing out on a really incredible man with a sweet soul.

I love first dates to be relaxed and easy. I mean you’re already nervous who wants the pressure of having to be boxed into some sort of fairytale setting. That’s why the burger date works. The place the guy chooses says a lot about who he is and what he likes but if he takes you to McDonald’s you’re screwed! I have a list of places that I love for a great burger. Poe’s Tavern is at the top and consistent. BEST burger by far is 17 North, most people wouldn’t think of 17N as a burger joint but wow! When you’re eating food with your hands it naturally drops your defenses and makes you more relaxed. I prefer this more for the guys than for myself, if they can be more themselves they will be more open and talk. Besides If a guy can handle watching me eat a huge rare burger with grease running down my hand, shoving french fries in my mouth and still want a second date… That’s awesome.

I arrived at HD’s house on Friday night, yes I had to go to meet him, he didn’t pick me up. But in his defense I had to go there to be sure he had the right helmet that fit me. After contemplating the slight drizzle of rain and if we were gonna attempt to ride (I got bonus points for saying who cares if we get wet, let’s go for it). He fitted me with a wind breaker and a very attractive helmet. It had a sticker on it that said “good kid gone bad” his joke of course was “were you ever good?” Nope!

There is an instant intimacy that happens when you climb on the back of a mans motorcycle. Your bodies are touching, you’re holding on and leaning in to talk. Then add in the power of the motorcycle wow very sexy. Definitely have a new appreciation for Harleys and totally get why people love them. Things I look for on a first date are pretty typical; does he open my door, etc. Tonight was different there were no car doors but he had already shown such thoughtfulness in preparation I knew he would have. Then as we were riding he did the most intimate and caring thing. Every time we’d come to a bump in the road he’d reach back put his arm around my leg to be sure I was secure. Better than opening the door.

He chose one of my favorite places to grab a burger or sandwich, The Tattooed Moose. He got major points for picking a place on my mental list. It was packed and loud as it usually is; We grabbed a beer at the bar and then snagged a booth. We sat on the same side, bonus, meant he wanted to be close and hear every word. It was like there wasn’t anyone else there, we talked the whole time. I’m sure I even talked with my mouth full. He didn’t seem to care.

We ventured back to our side of town and stopped at a local bar and had a couple of drinks and talked more feeling the intimacy building. As women we know when a man is ready to go in for that first kiss, the pauses in conversation with your eyes locked. He restrained himself and so did I. It was like a whole night of very slow foreplay.

We ended the evening where it began, back at his house. He invited me in for a drink, of course I said yes. It took all of 4 minutes for him to kiss me. It was one of those press you against the fridge full body kisses that you feel in your knees. I gathered my senses really quickly and said I better leave. He agreed but not without a few more kisses that were all incredible. This is the most important thing, he never crossed the line and he didn’t even try. Even better he made plans to see me again before I left. That’s how you know a man is first of all a gentleman, secondly that he’s really into you.

I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and looked at someone new with unclouded eyes. Couldn’t have been a better date and our second was the next day! More later

Love,
g